On Turning Forty
The problem with getting older is not so much the getting older part, it's the awareness of it. I wish I didn't deep down think of it as being one day closer to my expiration date.
I've only been married once and have 4 healthy, beautiful children. I've seen many divorces amongst friends & family and I've seen others struggle to have children and some that have lost a spouse or a child. This may be the biggest blessing in my life.
But, I have to admit I lost the last half of my 20's and most of my 30's with a deer-in-the-headlights, spit-up soaked, where-did-my-IQ-go look about me! I also lost a parent and close touch with friends that I should have made more an effort to stay connected with.
I'm thankful that I will no longer wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers or take someone to go potty. My vocabulary no longer consists of ridiculous sentences like, "We don't go pee-pee in the tub," and I haven't had to talk baby talk or spell out curse words in quite some time.
My kids are older now and I am enjoying seeing them "coming into their own". I do not hover but you can bet they know what I expect of them. I am proud of them and I don't or won't feel bad about the things I maybe bypassed or gave up to give them all my attention. I can impress my kids with my vast knowledge of the songs on their rock band video game. I can score a perfect score on several songs by the Clash, Kiss & even some Red Hot Chili Peppers. So, at least I'm not an "un-cool mom." Plus, when the last one leaves for college I'll just be getting ready to hit the big "50" not too old to do some of those things on my "bucket list".
In my forties, I'd like to look forward to becoming a bit more like the 20 year old me (but wiser), not only as someone's wife or mother, sister or daughter or friend, but as the woman I've become somewhere along the way. I'm not sure that I know her all that well. I've given up feeling bad that I didn't ever return to the pre-baby Junior sizes. Or, that I should have had a more exciting life. Even if I have no great new accomplishment to show for the next ten years, I'm simply hoping that the "ride" will be enjoyable and that I can say in the end that I had no regrets!
I celebrated my 21st b-day with a wild party with friends from high school and college. I danced on the table to Cheap Trick music. Salt, Liquor, Lime…ouch that morning after was BRUTAL. I am much too mature for that now. Someone pass me that bottle of Pinot Noir and let's get this party started.
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ "WOO HOO, what a ride!"