Demon Nuts from Hell

Picture this: Lovely fall day and a group of parents sit in lawn chairs watching their kids practice soccer. Suddenly, a woman (me, I'm sad to say) jumps out of her chair! She is bent over gasping & making horrendous chocking sounds.

Another parent jumps in to try the Heimlich on her because she is sure that she is choking to death! As the good Samaritan is feeling me up, I frantically slap at her to stop. When I finally can speak I hold up a bag of Dan-D-Pak wasabi cashews & then gulps down my entire water bottle & with tears running down my face I say "Holy Shit!, those are hot". Okay, all the men & most of the woman break in to hysterical laughing and the coach has run to the side to make sure we are alright. One very straight laced parent looks at me with disdain because I have just shouted "Holy Shit" during youth league soccer. I think she needs to have more sex & less church but that could be a whole other post :)

I love Wasabi dipping sauce so I foolishly thought I could open the bag and throw an entire handful of the nuts in my mouth. I felt like the hair in my nose melted along with my esophagus & then my stomach lining. One parent says, "you know the other main ingredient in the sauce is honey!"(she was still laughing so hard she now had tears in her eyes too)

When I can focus my vision enough to read the label I see that is basically straight Wasabi powder & cashews.

After the others stop laughing they begin to offer suggestions like: water won't work to cool down your mouth (I figured that out right away) but yogurt, milk, or ice cream will work. Okay, where the hell am I going to find some of that on the soccer field???? Thanks for the tip!

Then my daughter runs over and says "Hey, where is my extra water bottle?" Everyone starts laughing again! One kind soul gave my daughter an extra bottle that they had brought. My daughter walks back on the field, glancing back over her shoulder periodically to see why everyone is still laughing.

I can hardly wait to attend soccer this week. I will bring a magazine and NO snacks & do my very best NOT to shout out any profanities.